Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Replace Your Glass Top Range Or Die!


This is a topic for gluttons and appetite typical folks. If you own a glass top range you maybe in danger of serious injury or death. The glass top stove may be appealing with it nice looks and ease on maintenance but all the glitters is not gold and in the case of the glass stove top it may cost you some gold to repair one and well as serious injury or death!

The glass tops on these stoves break and in some cases the glass can actually explode send shards of hot deadly glass flying.

On Sunday my best friend Proud FA and his fiance Thinnette invited me, Fat Bastard,  over for a late lunch early supper. Thinnette had all for burners on and the oven. Thinnette is a waif but she can still cook up a storm and when I, Fat Bastard is coming to dinner Thinnette cooks hard. Thinnette is hot but she almost got killed and burned horribly when the glass stove top cracked, collapsed and exploded.

Proud and I were watching the 49ers kick the shit out of the Bills when we heard a loud pop and screams coming from the kitchen. Proud and I both sprang to our feet and to our shock and dismay we saw a kitchen catastrophe. Proud grabbed a fire extinguisher and I quickly escorted a frantic and trembling Thinnette out of the danger zone. There was a huge cloud of steam and smoke. A few shots of the fire extinguisher and more smoke and steam billowed throughout the kitchen and dining room.

After seeing that Thinnette was in no immediate danger I, Fat Bastard, waddled down to the basement and located the correct breaker and cut the power to the stove.


As you can see, when one of these glass stove tops break all hell can break loose. Not only could have Thinnete been burned severely or injured by fragments of flying glass she could also have been electrocuted. A stove in not on a fail safe Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter (GFCI) Breaker. An electric stove pack a lot more wallop than other household appliances. An electric stove runs on 240 volts! That is enough juice to kill even a big lummox like me, Fat Bastard! 

After I threw the breaker and Proud and I got the kitchen situation under control we checked on Thinnette. She had a bad burn on her foot from the scalding water.  Proud  filled a bucket with ice as I gingerly removed the still warm sock from her foot. (That may have been a mistake but we were all frantic. I think of Thinnette as my skinny sister.) She plunged her now bare food in the ice for a few minutes and it helped but the foot was badly blistered with first and second degree burns. After seeing her foot and seeing how much pain she was in we convinced her to go to the ER. Proud carried her to my Escalade and we hauled ass to to the ER. I dropped them off at the ER entrance and parked the SUV and waddled into the ER. They were fucking with Thinnette and Proud making them fill out  paper work and all the other usual bullshit. I, Fat Bastard, upon witnessing the dog and pony show scooped up Thinnette and showed the bean counter her foot and shouted, "The skin is falling off her foot for fuck sakes get her treatment or get sued!" That sped thing up and soon a nurse was tending to Thinnette's badly scalded foot. Then mercifully somebody gave her a shot of morphine for the pain.  They poured  some sort of liquid on it and the doctor who happened to be a burn specialist said that she had second and third degree burns. He was great! When he heard about how it happened he was shocked and angry that an unsafe product could  be allowed on the market.


They decided to keep Thinnette in the hospital and admit her to the burn unit for a few days for fear on infection and professional dressing of her wound. Proud and I went up to her room and stayed with her until the kicked us out. Proud was strong until he walked out to the car with me and then he broke down. On the way home, Proud, god bless him, said, Hey Fat Bastard you must me hungry let's stop by Denny's and get something to eat. I, Fat Bastard am one of Denny's best customers. When they saw me come in with Proud in tow the manager could tell something was up with us. We told him what was up with Thinnette and the whole stove ordeal. He comped us and we both chowed hard before we cam back to the disaster that was once a beautiful kitchen.

Proud and I cleaned up the mess and had a few beers and a couple of shots to steady our nerves. It the Chef would have been here we would have smoked a bit of the sticky green, for medicinal purposes only.

The Next Day!


Proud had to decide exactly what he was going to do about the stove. At first he thought about getting it repaired in spite on my objections. Proud figured maybe it was an anomaly and I thought maybe he's right. So we began looking for a top for the stove. Proud way on the his lap top and I was on Thinnette's I-Pad. We found a replacement top for their stove and the lowest price we could find was $400 fucking dollars with shipping. WTF! I found the exact model stove for slightly over $400 bucks. Proud and I figured that these stoves suck and the companies who sell the suck even more.

In the case of Thinnettes Whirlpool glass cook top the cost of repair was not worth it. The criminals who sell these dangerous contraptions count on the tops breaking so that customers will have to but a very overpriced glass top or a new stove. My mother had and big assed six burner double oven Frigidaire Stove that she inherited from her mother and has since passed on to my sister only bigger.

That stove has cooked thousands of meals and is still going strong much like this bad boy. Parts are still available.


Glass is fragile!

Only a fucking idiot would make a make a range top out of glass! Only a crook would sell that piece of glass for 400 dollars!

Proud and I went to see Thinnette at the hospital and we filled her in on the damages and the plan. She really like the glass top stove and wanted to go with getting it fixed until we told her the price. Proud finally came to his senses and said, "those glass top stove are a menace! We're not getting one. I recommended a gas stove but Thinnette wasn't sure and Proud know that there would be an expense running a gas line from the street to the house.  I piped in and said, all the best chef's use gas and with that Thinnette pipe in and shouted the "Chef the Chef!!" Then Proud and I turned to each other and said, "Yeah the Chef!" 

The Chef

For those of you not familiar with the Chef; the Chef is a big man with a big appetite and in his own words, "ain't makin no apologies for it". The Chef is a professional executive chef with a degree in culinary nutrition from the prestigious Johnson &Wales cooking school which is also the Alma Mater of Chef Emeril LaGasse. The Chef is a proud man of color and he is also a colorful man. The Chef loves the ladies and the ladies love the Chef. The Chef will tell you that he likes his ladies like his steaks, "a bit on the thick side and pink in the middle but he ain't got no wood for them SSBBWs  god bless em"

One of the Chef's Ladies

I have the Chef on speed dial. So I called the Chef and explained the previous night's tragedy.  The Chef asked me to put him on speaker so that he could express his thoughts and concern to Proud and Thinnette and wish her a speedy recovery. After that we got down to the business of selecting a stove now that we had the Chef's expert guidance. We told the Chef about a Hot Point stove we saw at Home Depot but the Chef said, "fuck dat!" The Chef told is that he could get us a slightly used chef's  professional stove for a really good price and within seconds the Chef emailed Thinnette  a picture of this bad by Wolf.

This stove is the Wolf 48 and it is a remarkably good stove. It is Chef approved.  This stove retails for over $4200.  The Chef is a kind man and an empathetic man. He knows what it is like to be in pain as he is a bit gouty in the leg and requires daily dosing of the sticky green to keep his pain at bay. Getting burned is also an occupational hazard of cheffin so he could relate to what happened to Thinnette and he wanted to see her cooking on a professional cheffin instrument. The Chef won the Wolf 48 in a poker game from another Chef and he decided to sell Proud the stove for $500. Proud and Thinnette jumped at the deal. We borrowed a truck from Proud's brother and headed off to the Chef's to fetch the venerable Wolf 48 from the Chef's warehouse. That fucker was heavy and thank god the Chef's son was their to help us load it into Proud's brother's Ford F-150.


We had a stroke of luck.  Proud is not the most mechanically inclined guy and he is not sure how things work. It turns out that there a gas line in Proud's basement so hooking up the Wolf 48 would be a breeze. Proud called Master plumber Mike Litoris and Mike is scheduled to hook up the stove in a few days. It should cost less than 200 bucks.


Thinnette has contacted the Personal Injury Lawfirm Dewey Cheatum and Howe and plans on suing the manufacturer Whirlpool for all she can get.  She's looking at a $500K settlement minus 1/3 for the sharks.

We would like to thank Proud's brother Cal for the use of his truck, Ralph Carter manager of Denny's for the free meal, The ER doctors and the staff at St Agnes Hospital for their treatment of Thinnette, Master plumber Mike Litoris, the Sharks at Dewey Cheatem and Howe and a special thanks to the Chef for practically giving away a 4200 dollar top of the line stove and hooking us up with some high grade BC Hydro.

A Google Search Revealing the Dangers of Glass Top Stoves



Fat Bastardo said...

Click Here For News That's Fat and Fair.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I came across this. I was seriously thinking about getting one of those ceramic top stoves....not anymore I'm not.
Thank you.
I hope Thinnette's foot is all healed up.

Fat Bastardo said...

Thinnette is doing well and there is very little scarring.

Glass top stoves are pretty but they suck compared to all other stoves.

The Chef recommends gas or induction cook tops.