Thursday, November 29, 2012

How to Unclog a Toilet

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As the many millions of readers of Bigger Fatter Blog and NAAFA know we don't shy a way from unpopular issues which is why in less than two years Bigger Fatter Blog and NAAFA have become the leading fat acceptance blog on the entire world wide web.

In the past Fat Bastard answered the tough question of how fat folks "reach back there". In that article Fat Bastard discussed the problems and solutions or and for proper toileting hygiene for fatlings. While is may be true that no job is finished until the paper work is done, in the case of a bigger fatter bowel movement the job is not finished until the super sized stools of a fatling are in the sewer line and moving happily along to the sewage treatment plant with all the other turds. While double triple and even quadruple flushers are common quite often fatlings are faced with a toilet that is simply incapable of handling the much larger fecal volumes produced by fatlings. When that happens a clog will is inevitable. It can be a minor clog to a severe to something in between but either way some sort of action will be required to resolve the problem and send the super sized Mr Hankies down the pipe and shouting a grateful HOWDY HO as they get swept along in the flow to join all their turd buddies in turd heaven.

The tools and techniques of the trade.

Let's start with the humble bucket and when and how to use it. Let's say you drop a couple of big bowl fillers, you've wiped and you pressed the flush handle but nothing has happened except of an anemic swirl and a rise in the water in the bowl. If you attempt to flush again nine times out of ten there will be a messy overflow.

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Wear rubber gloves! Feces can be nasty!

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The warm water and bucket method.

If the bowl is not filled to the brim pour a bucket of warm not hot water into the bowl this may break up, dissolve and dislodge the clog and it will move harmlessly down the pipe. Sadly this is not always the case and another turd busting method needs to be employed.

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The Plumber's Helper

You will need the right tool for the job. As you escalate the war on the fecal clogs the next weapon of choice is the humble but venerable plunger. The red plunger is a drain plunger that is used for unclogging the kitchen of bathroom sinks. The black plunger is a more serious plunger. Think of it as the 44. caliber Smith and Wesson of plungers. A few strokes with this bad boy and that stubborn brown trout will soon be swimming down stream post haste to the place where all the turds go.

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The Turdinator!

Sometimes even the best plunger won't budge a SSBBW BM bent on staying put. Sometimes these turds have a mind of their own and then you may have to call the Turdinator! Armed with a toilet auger aka a closet auger aka a toilet snake the Turdinator will make short work of that pipe plugging punk bastard.

When to call the plumber?
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Sometimes a clog can be so stubborn or so deep that even a Turdinator armed with a toilet snake can't get the job done and the toilet needs to be removed by a professional in case the pipe has to be snaked.

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