Thursday, May 23, 2013

Obese NHL Goalies

This guy that you see and not is much smaller than the big fat lummox extracted from the house. As you can clearly see the guys shooting the puck don't have much not to shoot it.
About the only sport the really fat guy can compete in his poker. Unfortunately her on a lot of sports in which really really fat people can excel. With the help of our good friend belly boy who will be petitioning the international Olympic Committee to include fat friendly sports like pie eating, fart lighting, competitive sweating and blood pressure competitions.

I was watching an old Jerry Springer show on YouTube between commercials during the Stanley Cup playoffs and I had a Eureka moment. In the Springer episode they were removing a super super super morbidly obese man from his house and they had to take out an entire wall in order to accomplish it. It was glorious and awesome. The rescuers had to take out over 6 feet the wall in order to extract this man from his house. When the commercials ended I stopped the you tube video and continued to watch San Jose battle LA. LA was beating the San Jose Sharks two goals to none. (final score Kings 2 Sharks 0) Even with skinny goalies scoring a goal in the NHL very difficult but not impossible even with the skinny goalie in net. Then it dawned on me what a great job a goalie would be for this big fat glorious hunk of throbbing grizzle. By the time they put pads on this supersized lummox the entire goal would be completely obliterated by his giant mass. This guy makes Michael Hebranko look like Twiggy. Just standing there he would cover 85% of the net if you lay down on his side he would cover more than 95% of the net. This guy would get to do with fat guys to best. He gets lay around in a nice cool place. This guy's so big that his team would not even need a defenseman.

It's been said by many sportscasters that offense puts fans in the seats but defense wins championships. True words were never spoken. If you can't score a can't win. Let me put it another way. Picture a basketball team where every player is is big as Shaquille O'Neil and the opposing team was comprised of 3 foot tall midgets. What you think the score would be? To think that the midgets would even score one basket is delusional. This is what it would be like if an NHL team recruited a super morbidly obese goaltender. Nobody could score!

In the above video they use a a puny 500 pound sumo wrestler and he fails miserably but a 1000 pounder would cover 90% of the net. A 1500 pounder would cover the whole net and then some.

There is no way anyone could get the puck by this guy. If he was convinced that the puck was a Moonpie he'd devour it! This guy would not just block out the net, he'd block out the sun!

1 comment:

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