Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Weight Loss Tips or How Not To Be a Fat Sloven Glutton

RULES, RULES, RULES. This is important. Because you are a glutton you need to set rules for yourself, and if you are truly give a shit about personal responsibility, you will have no problem sticking to them! Rules are everything. Examples:

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1. Don't eat anything white.

2. Do not, under any circumstances, eat after 9:00 PM. Don't eat before 9:00.

3. Cut each bite into x 4 pieces, chew slowly for a long time ans swallow before you shove another bite into your mouth.

4. Do not eat anything that has over 5 grams of fat.

5. Altruism must be the center of your life because for so long you have been a greedy and selfish glutton.

6. Drink a full glass of water before you eat and then sip a full glass between bites, you'll get full much faster. Remember it takes 20 minutes for the brain to realize the stomach is full.

7. Eat denser food because it feels like more. Light and fluffy foods compact in your digestive tract and you will feel hungry soon after.

8. Take out only the amount of food you plan to eat and don't allow seconds.

9. Think before you eat. Don't eat while distracted (TV, etc). Stop and consider if you really want to eat that then consciously give yourself permission.

10. Five 300-calorie meals are better than one 1500-calorie meal. (A typical fast food meal e.g. soda, fries, burger and desert is close to 1500 calories. Most women should be eating between 1500 - 2000 calories per day to maintain a normal healthy weight)

11. Never eat anything that is calorie dense and nutritionally lacking, foods low in nutrition will increase your cravings and you'll get hungry sooner. If you need to eat more frequently, eat foods high in fiber and low in calories.

12. Slim-Fast and other "healthy" bars and shakes have more carbs and calories than in the meal they're intended to replace. Stay away.

13. Drink at least a glass of water every hour. It's better for weight loss to sip throughout the day than to chug a full glass (except before eating, in which case it can make you eat less, or make you slightly nauseous so you don't want to eat at all). Try keeping a water bottle somewhere you'll see it a lot, like every 10-20 minutes, and take a drink from it every time you see it/notice it.

14. Drink up to a shot of apple cider vinegar before eating, it's supposed to minimize fat absorption. Also speeds metabolism and can help curb cravings. Drinking more than a shot causes a vague nausea which helps suppress appetite.

15. Ice or gum are good food substitutes. Celery works too if you're really hungry.

16. Use small, dark colored plates. Dark blue or black makes you eat less, and smaller plates and utensils cause you to take smaller portions from the start.

17. Make a list of "bad" foods. Periodically, cross one of the list and pledge to never, ever eat it again. Eventually there will be none left.

18. Eat in front of a mirror, naked or in underwear if possible. If you can't, carry a picture of yourself in a revealing outfit and look at it when you want to eat. When you have cravings pinch your fat and look at your problem areas, don't add to them!

19. Eat a lot of fiber for digestive health and low calories.

20. Create a methodical routine for eating. Cut food into tiny pieces, count your bites and the number of times you chew, set your utensils down between bites, and sip water between bites. Add other rules or rituals of your own.

21. Eat higher-calorie items earlier in the day so you have more time to burn them off; if you eat late eat light or it will be more likely to be stored as fat due to inactivity. Try not to eat too late, sleep burns calories and is a good opportunity to burn fat with little effort. The body must burn through all digesting food before taking energy from stored food (fat).

22. When you go out, take very little money or only enough to buy whatever non-food item you plan on buying. This will make it harder to buy food on impulse.

23. Don't take bites, either from others' food or while cooking, as the calories add up surprisingly fast and you may not realize how much extra you're taking in.

24. Write down everything you eat and its calories. This will make you think before eating and also make you more aware of how much food and calories you are actually consuming. You can also write down other things such as how you're feeling, who you're with, place, time, and why you chose to eat it, this will help you track patterns in your eating behavior.

25. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you want to eat. Food = pain.

26. Set a time you cannot eat past. 6:00 or 7:00pm are good choices. This is especially helpful if you are prone to night binging. Then make a rule that you cannot eat before 6:00 or 7:00AM, this is like having a 12-hr fast every day.

27. You shouldn't eat for at least 3 hours before going to bed. The extra hours will help burn off the calories. If you eat soon before sleeping, you absorb more calories due to inactivity and you put on weight.

28. Have a peppermint or peppermint tea. Peppermint decreases hunger.

29. Brush your teeth when you want to eat. The clean feeling and mint aftertaste will put you off food.

30. Press on your stomach when it grumbles. Water also stop stomach growling and have calcium.

31. Carry a list of all the reasons you want to be thin and avoid food. Look at it when you want to eat to remind yourself why you won't. Or, write a new list every time you want to eat. It'll distract you, postpone eating, and thinking of the reasons will inspire you.

32. Cut a ribbon the size you want your waist to be. wrap and tie it around your wrist like a bracelet. Every time you look at it you'll be reminded of your goals. When you're tempted, take it off and wrap it around your waist. See how close you are, or how far you have to go, and resist the temptation.

33. Always leave at least one bite of food on your plate. This will help you to be able to stop eating and prevent binges. It will also stop you from compulsively finishing portions even when you have eaten enough.

34. Save $1 for every meal you don't eat, then use the money to buy yourself a non-food present.

35. Fat friends will sabotage you. Avoid them for good.

36. Never eat in secret. This is a terrible habit that leads to compulsive binging. If you wouldn't eat it in front of all your friends you shouldn't be eating it at all! Also if you only eat around other people they will know that you do eat and assume you eat alone as well, thus lessening suspicion that you have an eating disorder or are a stealth glutton.

37. Stop lying to yourself and admit you are a glutton. You can't fix the problem until you identify it.

37. Never eat out of a box or jar. Always eat from a plate or bowl. This will help you in several ways: You will see how much you are really eating; you can determine in advance how much you will eat and not go back for seconds; using a small plate or bowl will make you eat even less; you can count/measure out an exact serving and know the accurate amount of calories you are consuming.

38. Give clothes to Goodwill as they get too big for you. Don't keep them around "just in case."

39. Put pictures of attractive slender and revolting fat people on the pantry, mirror and refrigerator.

40. When you have hunger pangs, picture your stomach eating away your fat, and that what you feel is the feeling of thinness and your fat burning away.

41. Coffee is an appetite suppressant. Drink it black.

42. Eat with chopsticks. You rarely see any fat Chinese

43. Paint your nails so you can't eat until the polish dries. Teeth whitening strips are good too.

43. Drink water before eating. If you're still hungry, drink green tea or broth. If you still need to eat, you'll eat less than you would have normally.

44. Eat low-calorie foods with strong flavors. Sometimes you're craving taste, not food. For bouillon, use less water than is recommended. Peppermints, pickles, peppers, and mustard are good choices.

45. Do not eat anything unless you know the exact amount of calories in it.

46. Chew gum while cooking. That way you can't take bites while it is cooking, and you won't want to eat it once it's done.

47.  Keep food out of sight, not sitting out, and stay away from food and the kitchen to keep your mind off it.

48. For sweet cravings, lick a chopstick and dip it into a diet Swiss Miss pack.

49. Write your current weight on one hand, and your goal weight on the other. When you go to eat, you'll be reminded how fat you are, and how skinny you could and should be.

The Four D's:
     Distance yourself from food.
     Distract yourself.
     Delay eating
     Decide what your goals really are.

50. Green tea raises metabolism and is very good for the skin and overall health. Drink it in the morning to increase metabolism for the day. Add lemon to make it more effective and to add a detoxifying aspect. Hot water with lemon is another good morning drink.

51. Spicy foods raise metabolism, if you don't like them you can take cayenne pepper capsules available in supplement section of drugstores or health food stores.

52. Drinking apple cider vinegar is said to raise metabolism, have a few tablespoons, can also be mixed in water (with lemon would be best) or used as salad dressing.

53. Start the morning with stretching to wake up your muscles, the morning is also the best time to exercise because your body will use stored food (fat) as fuel instead of food you ate. It also processes food better throughout the day and gives you more energy if you exercise in the morning.

54. Get at least 8 hours of sleep each night, less than this can decrease metabolism by 10% and increase appetite by 15%. You look better and feel better when you have more sleep also if you're sleeping you're not eating!

55. Keep good posture, it burns 10% more calories throughout the day. You also look better.

56. Vitamin B6 and B12 raise metabolism and give you energy.

57. Eating protein increases your metabolic rate because protein is hard to digest. Protein also curbs appetite.

58. Know that your selfish gluttony hurts others and society at large.

59. Know that fat parents are usually bad parents.

60. Do this for altruistic reasons.

Friday, May 19, 2017

What NAAFA Conventions Were Really All About

Most people there aren't interested in activism. They were there to fuck. Dan Savage went to one once, and wrote about his experience in his book Skipping Towards Gomorrah:

I’m even slower to come to the realization that I’m being cruised when the person doing the cruising is someone I would never sleep with—like, say, a woman, any woman, big or small, fat or thin, living or dead. I hadn’t anticipated getting hit on at the NAAFA convention, and I began to panic. Picking away at my bagel (oh, glorious carbs!), I silently prayed the speaker would begin and put an end to our conversation.
There aren’t enough FAs to go around, Teresa explained, which was why Teresa broke the ice by telling me I was in luck. A good-looking, single, presentable FA at a NAAFA convention can have his pick of the women. About 250 people were at the Westin for the NAAFA celebration, and 95 percent were women. The whole reason most women come to these events, Teresa explained, was to meet men.

“It’s nice to see old friends and socialize,” Teresa laughed, “but it’s the sex that keeps us coming back.”

There was nothing on the NAAFA Web site or in the brochures, I said, about the convention being a meat market. I thought we were all here to, like, advance the acceptance of fat and, you know, stuff like that.

“That’s what the political fat people are here to do,” Teresa said, “but most of us are just here to have fun.”
Which is what I came for, I guess—only I was looking for a celebration of gluttony, not lust. I felt like I’d gone to a porn shoot only to find everyone sitting around fully clothed eating doughnuts.
Looking around the ballroom full of women, Teresa let out a loud sigh. She said she was worried that her last NAAFA event was going to be a total bust.

Most of the stories in the speaker’s book were about fat women who found love, and soon the ballroom was filled with awws instead of hisses. One woman profiled in her book actually met her soul mate while filling her shopping cart with half-price Marshmallow Peeps the day after Easter. It turned out that they both shared a passion for those mushy Easter candies, which come in toxic pink and a shade of yellow very similar to the color of the speaker’s dress. The story was a popular one, apparently, as most of the women in the room seemed familiar with its details. Indeed, there were boxes of Peeps for sale in the lobby, the candies having been transformed into a kind of love talisman by the women of NAAFA.

“Flirt!” the speaker implored us as she wrapped up her speech. “Flirting is such a good thing to do! Don’t assume rejection! The message fat women hear all the time is, ‘Get thin, find love.’ The message I want you to take away from our talk this morning is, ‘Get confident, find love.’ Live your life now, as you are, and live bountifully. Flirt!”

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There I was, sitting in a ballroom full of fat women, a presumed FA, and the speaker was whipping the women of NAAFA into a flirting frenzy. Feeling like I had a bull’s-eye on my ass, I thought it might be prudent to get a head start, so I slipped out of the ballroom when the thin board member came back up to the podium to thank the speaker for her inspired remarks.

“The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance believes that a preference for a fat partner is as valid as any other preference based on physical characteristics, such as a particular height, eye color, or hair color,” reads NAAFA’s official position paper on fat admirers. “Individuals who are attracted to a fat partner should be able to pursue, date, and make a commitment to a person of their size preference without fear of societal ridicule. Further, NAAFA believes that in a society where at least 55 percent of the population is considered fat, a preference for a fat partner is normal and should be encouraged rather than discouraged.”

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NAAFA’s position paper on FAs urges these men to come out of the closet and organize their own movement. The FAs at the dance, lurking in the corners, didn’t seem like “movement” types. When I approached an FA near the bar in the ballroom and asked him what he found attractive about fat women, he wasn’t able to look me in the eye. Maybe he could tell I wasn’t an FA, and he wasn’t comfortable discussing his preference with me. After an awkward hesitation, he said, “Not until you run your hands over someone supersized can you appreciate how wonderful all that flesh feels.” Then he slunk off.

The general consensus at our table was that most FAs are a little creepy; a lot of them are ashamed of their attraction to fat women, and they’re not very good at concealing their feelings of shame. They come to NAAFA events (indeed, NAAFA encourages them to come), seduce fat women in hotel rooms, and then run home to skinny wives and girlfriends. When one particularly notorious FA was spotted in the room, a brassy blonde in metallic silver hot pants and a matching bra ran from table to table, warning her fat sisters about this particular FA’s MO.

“He’ll say, ‘Oh, I love you, I want to marry you, I want you to meet my mother,’ ” she warns the women at my table, “and the moment you sleep with him, he’s gone.”

Monday, May 15, 2017